If you give a mom a cookie

This post was originally featured on Huffington Post.

Graphic courtesy of Barnhouse Graphics

If you give your mom a cookie...

She’ll probably want to take it into the closet to eat alone. In peace.

When she’s in the closet she’ll notice the overflowing laundry basket and decide to throw a load in.

While loading the washer she’ll realize she needs to empty the dryer vent.

When she goes to the trashcan with the dryer lint she’ll realize it’s trash day.

When she goes outside to take the trash she’ll probably check the mail.

When she goes through the mail she’ll surely find a bill that needs to be paid.

She will want to pay it right away and will go to her purse to get her checkbook.

When she opens her purse, she’ll probably find a sneaker that belongs upstairs.

When she takes the sneaker upstairs she’ll have to walk through the playroom and will notice all the toys have been dumped out on the floor.

As she’s cleaning the playroom she’ll create a trash pile. This will probably remind her that it’s trash day (again) and she needs to get a trash bag out of the garage.

When she goes to get a trash bag out of the garage she’ll remember she needs to get some meat out of the deep freeze for dinner.

When she brings the meat in she’ll realize that she needs to put the rice in the rice cooker.

When she goes to put the rice in the rice cooker she’ll remember that the rice cooker pot is in the sink and needs to be washed.

As she is washing the dishes in the sink she’ll probably remember that she needs to unload the dishwasher.

As she is unloading the dishwasher she will realize she’s out of detergent and needs to get another box from the garage. 

When she’s getting the dishwasher detergent out of the garage she’ll probably see the laundry detergent and remember the load that she meant to start earlier.

As she’s walking through the living room to get back to the laundry room she’ll most definitely see some dog poop on the floor that needs to be picked up.

When she goes into the bathroom to get some toilet paper to pick up the dog poop she’ll notice that there’s no toilet paper and she needs to go to the store to get some more.

When she goes to the store to buy more toilet paper she’ll probably see a box of cookies and realize that she hasn’t eaten all day and will put those in her buggy.

When she gets home with her cookies she’ll probably lock herself in the closet to eat them alone. In peace.

This is probably about the time that Daddy gets home from work.

When she hears the door open she’ll come out to the kitchen to greet him.

When she comes into the kitchen she’ll look around and see a sink full of dishes, dog poop on the floor, no toilet paper, a pile of laundry, a stack of mail with unpaid bills, and toys all over the playroom floor.

Daddy will probably look around at the disarray and ask her “What the hell did you do all day?”

-Ashford