It’s been almost four years since you left. I still miss you. I think about you every day. I still yearn to see your smiling face each morning. Sure there have been others. Many others. But all have paled against the memory of you. It always starts out great but little by little their shortcomings are revealed to me. And I realize that you are irreplaceable.
I don’t think I fully appreciated what I had until you were gone. I have begged and I have pleaded and yet you remain determined to follow your own path. Apart from mine. I wish you the best in your future endeavors. Because that’s all I really ever wanted. You to be happy. You were so young when we met. And I watch you from afar growing, learning, blazing your own trail.
I am grateful for the friendship that we have maintained even if it’s only a few text messages here and there. They still make me laugh. You understand me like few people in the world do. When you were here I never had to worry about anything. I knew I could count on you. You anticipated my every need. And the children loved you. And you loved them. I couldn’t have wished for anything more.
And now you’re gone. And I remain lost after all these years. This desperate need to fill the void that you created the last time you pulled out of my driveway. Both of us were in tears.
I find myself late at night perusing the internet searching. Searching. Always searching. I read profile after profile and none of them resonate with me. They are all empty.
You have left a void in my life that neither sittercity.com nor care.com could ever hope to fill. And so I end with this.
You are my nanny. My soul. And I miss you gravely.