Friday, March 13, 2015

My 5 YO has an extremely long buttcrack and other apologies I won't be making this year

This post was originally featured on Mrsmuffintop.com


I’m sorry I can’t find anyone to watch the kids.
I’m sorry my husband works on Saturdays.
I’m sorry I am traveling for work that week and will already have missed 4 nights with the kids.
I’m sorry we were so loud.
I’m sorry we were so messy.
I’m sorry child 1, 2, or 3 is crying.
I’m sorry we’re late. Again.
I’m sorry I totally forgot.
I’m sorry he spilt his drink for the third time.
I’m sorry I can’t talk- it’s bath night.
I’m sorry I didn’t respond.
I’m sorry the house is a wreck. I was sick this week and well, you know.
I’m sorry I forgot to put batteries in Scout last night I actually fell asleep on the couch.
I’m sorry I accidentally washed a new pair of jeans with your stuffed animals and now they’re all blue.
I’m sorry I forgot to pay the mortgage.
I’m sorry we have 3 kids so our house is a little hectic.
I’m sorry I simply can’t afford to pay $500 to have the dog’s teeth cleaned.
I’m sorry I missed a few doses of his antibiotics.
I’m sorry I forgot you were a vegetarian/kosher/dairy free.
I’m sorry he missed his nap today.
I’m sorry I snapped at you. And you. And you.

Don’t you find yourself apologizing for EVERYTHING?! We are constantly making apologies and allowances for everything and everyone. Well I for one am sick of it and here are 5 apologies I refuse to make this year.

1. I’m sorry my 5 YO has an extremely long buttcrack and it ruined your pictures.

“Your baby has an elongated intragluteal cleft with a divot” the nurse told us in the hospital 5 years ago. Translate: An extremely long buttcrack with a divot. We didn’t think twice about this diagnosis. It meant nothing except we may need to use a few extra wipes on each diaper change. Fast forward 5 years and it means a lot. It means that her buttcrack is always showing. ALWAYS. We don’t really care but it’s all the well-wishers. The careful comments. The “You might think about a belt” and the “Does she need bigger pants?” The texts links to “dapper snappers” All in the name of being helpful. It doesn’t matter how many times I ask her to pull up her pants the truth remains that her buttcrack is longer than any inseam could ever hope to accommodate. And I will not be apologizing for this any longer. 

2. I’m sorry my baby puked on you.

My baby has reflux. Yes I know “He throws up quite a bit”. And yes I’m aware that “It seems like he spits up more than he takes in.” Thank you for your “I’m concerned about K” comments. We have spoken with the pediatrician and we are all well aware of the situation. He is not in pain, he is not malnourished. He just pukes. He is a puker. So if you plan to watch/keep/babysit my child for any length of time please be aware he will most certainly vomit all over you. At least 5 times.

3. I’m sorry we don’t do public school.

My children attend Montessori School. Who knew this subject could be so polarizing?! It starts out innocently enough as an alternative to daycare and ends up with you being cornered at a Christmas party by a state-employed teacher listening to a tirade about the fact that you are personally jeopardizing your kids’ education!! I do not judge those who choose daycare or public school. For me, for my family, this educational model seems to work. And honestly they are 3 and 5 is it really going to matter in the grand scheme of things?

4. I’m sorry I circumsized my boys and vaccinated all my children.

I recently read an exorbitantly violent facebook thread regarding circumcision. I understand that others may share different beliefs. And that’s ok. This was my choice for my family. Don’t even get me started on the vaccination debate that we can barely escape these days. I refuse to engage. My monkeys, my circus. That is all

5. I’m sorry I’m a working mom.

Do I want to stay home with my children? Of course! Do I think it would be better for them? It would have to be.  But I have made the choice between being home with them and providing for them. It’s a choice I reevaluate every single day. I mourn the losses of their first steps, their school projects. But for me it’s not a choice. It’s a necessity. I’m sorry I can’t be “Room Mom” because quite frankly I’ve got all I can handle between the job and the kids. I’m doing good to remember to send their nap mats to school


We are two working parents of three small children. Cut us a break won’t you?

And I agree to reciprocate. To suspend judgement and disappointment. To love you for who you are and what you can accomplish. Not what you should be doing.

We all have our struggles and our failures. But why don’t we all just give each other a little more room. More compassion. More forgiveness. More understanding.

And so this is the only apology you’ll get from me this year:


I’m sorry but this is me.

-Ashford

29 comments:

  1. Ass sex with your daughter would be amazing

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    Replies
    1. I WILL KICK YOU IN THE ASS YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILE!

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  2. Mmm I'd like to get behind her. pull down her pants and lick her long buttcrack, then I'll pull out my cock and insert it inside her butthole, and analfuck the sh*t out of her till I cum inside her butt.

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    Replies
    1. I WOULD LOVE TO KICK YOUR FUCKING FACE!

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  3. You don't have to apologize for your daughters long buttcrack, just means she has a nice big butt. I have no doubt that having buttsex with your daughter would be amazing :)

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  4. Damn looking at her makes me hard she's the perfect girl to shove my cock into mmmmmmm slowly drop her panties bend her over and drill her for a few hours fucking her senseless would be the best kid fuck in the world

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    Replies
    1. https://allaboutthechildren1.blogspot.com/

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  5. How about i force her to swallow all my cock as i throat rape her you guys can take turns pounding her tiny ass and cunt while i destroy her throat

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  6. You guys better tie her up and tape her hands while you rape the little girl show her no mercy as yall cream her insides using her like the perfect little fuck toy she is

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  7. I want to masturbate to this little girl all day for this week and this year 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘😘😈😈😈😈😹😹😹 she's hot & can I have her please hot ass & Fuck her

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  8. Love her butt can I Fuck her please,& become a sex slave for me please baby

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  9. Can I please have her as a sex slave please and my little sister,daughter,and girlfriend please love her little asshole and pussy πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ™ŠπŸ™ŠπŸ™ŠπŸ’€πŸ’€πŸ’€

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  10. You should call all these conmenters over to your house tie your daughter to a bed and let us all go into that room names all of us taking turns rapibg her holes me i want to cum in her little girl womb so i want to cum in hey

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    Replies
    1. I WILL CALL THE POLICE ON YOU!

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  11. Would fuck that ass hard

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  12. I would love to fuck your cute little boy cover his mouth rip his pants off and then rip his undies off and then suck on his smooth little boy penis and make him moan and feel his little boy penis get bigger inside my mouth then I will jam my penis into his cute little boy bum and fuck the shit out of him until i shoot my load up his bum and he explodes his sweet and gooey little boy cum inside my mouth and I swallow every last drop of his sweet little boy cream then I slide his penis out from my mouth and I swallow the rest of the cum that is oozing out from my mouth then I said your cum was the best thing I have ever tasted it was really yummy and gooey and warm little one then I turned him around and licked his bum clean. His smooth little boy body made me so hard that he needs to be fucked in his bum and feel all my cum forced up his tiny and tight little boy bum while I move him up and down on my lap and I play with his smooth little boy penis and hairless balls then I will pull out and start sucking on his boy balls and suck the gooey precum oozing out from his little boy penis

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  13. I just want to dry hump your smooth little boys bum and suck on his smooth little boy penis until your son explodes his sweet little boy cum into my mouth and I swallow it your son is so cute I love his chubby little boy bum great for my penis to slide right inside him and I violently move my hips up and down listening to his chubby little boy bum hit against my stomach while I penetrate my penis deeper into your sons pubescent little boy bum then I pull out and I get to suck on his really cute and soft boy penis and eating toddler boy cum I love toddler boy cum and your sons penis would be great to have in my mouth and his bum would be really nice to feel and fuck only if I was in that time and year I would’ve definitely sucked on your sons sweet little boy penis and fucked his brains out his bum is so cute and chubby. I would not pull out from his chubby little boy bum until I exploded my cum into him and he feels my hot cum in his stomach. Your boy has the cutest chubbiest little boy bum I have ever seen and I am definitely going to touch his penis and bum and tongue fuck his virgin bum hole and suck on his smooth little boy penis and force him to do a striptease while I stroke a feather on his penis head to make him explode all his sweet little boy cum into my mouth then I will pull him towards me sit him down on my lap and have my penis up his bum and then I started stroking his penis off and lick his penis head off from all his sweet little boy precum then I said good boy keep bouncing for me love watching toddler boys penises grow and bounce around then I gently squeezed his penis head and a big fat blob of sweet gooey precum appeared on his penis head then I licked his penis off and he moaned and then I said that’ was super sweet and yummy little one thank you for the sweet treat little one and then I swallowed his precum and I kidnapped your boy

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  14. This made my COCK hard...This one made me wish I was BLOWING my LOAD all over her beautiful ASS

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  15. EVERYONE ON HERE THAT COMMENTED ABOUT DOING THIS CRAP TO THIS GIRL BETTER BACK OFF!

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  16. If you have images dm me on wickr me: flickthrow

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  17. Shut the fuck up now and leave them alone

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  18. you people are weird having sex with a little girl and a boy if you see these childrean dont you ever dare get closed to them or else ill spank your ass bare bottom

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