Thursday, April 23, 2015

I'm having a moment...

So bear with me while I have this moment.  This has been a really really stressful week professionally for me.  I've been under a lot of stress.  But at the current moment, the only way to sum up how I'm feeling is this.....
It happened...the baby finally weaned herself from nursing.  I know, I know-many people will be shocked that I still nursed my 21 month old.  But before anyone gets out of sorts-I did what seemed like the best thing for my child.  She's got severe food allergies and honestly I couldn't bring myself to totally stop.  We were down to once a day, but she literally woke up this morning and was done.  FINISHED.

I'm actually a little relieved because I have that extra 20 minutes back into my morning routine.  No more having to wake her up to feed her, only to run out the door and try and be at work on time.  But overall,
I'm sad.  I'm sad because it feels like we are ending a huge phase of our life.  Barring any divine intervention, we are most likely done having babies.  That's seems so painful and final to say.  I feel like you spend most of your life planning on getting married and having children.  It becomes something that defines you and becomes part of who you are.  So when you have to finally admit that you might in fact be done, it feels like someone just put a nail in your coffin.  I feel like I'm mourning this season of our life.  We have slowly been getting rid of all of the large baby gear, but I felt like as long as she was still nursing, we still had a little baby.  I'm now forced to admit that she is actually a toddler and she is less dependent on me.  And I'm forced to face the fact that we might really be done with the baby phase of our life.   It seems so sad and definitive.  So while I can celebrate my new found freedom from nursing, if you need to find me I'll be drowning my sorrows in a giant milkshake-especially since I haven't had one in 21 months because she is allergic to milk and soy.   



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