Saturday, May 30, 2015

Letting go of the other love of my life....

I've known about this day for about 6 months but it doesn't make it any easier-so I'm taking to writing my feelings to avoid the emotional blubbering mess I would become if I said these things in person.  Ashford wrote a love letter of a different kind so most people already have some idea of how we moms feel about our other loves-our nanny.  I never thought I would be one of those people who would have a nanny.  That always seemed like something the "rich" people had.  But when it came time to make decisions regarding our child care, we prayed hard and decided on a nanny.  It worked for our family-and we are not rich!   Our first two were pretty much disasters which almost swayed us from trying one last time.  Until that day in August when your profile popped up on my account.  I knew the minute I saw it that you were sent from God.  Sounds cheesy, but I really felt like you were an angel sent from the great heavens above.  I remember we called a family you previously worked for and they carried on and on about you.  Now I sit here doing the same.

You fit into our family immediately and have been a saving grace.  You have been a calm presence in the madness that is our life.  You tolerate my quirky sense of humor and you have an uncanny knack of knowing just the moment when I'm having a bad day and send me a hilarious text to brighten my day.  My girls adore you.  You have taught them manners, a love of reading and swimming, and you have even shared some of your fear of germs with them which might actually be a good thing.  You have gone above and beyond and never complain, except that one time my girls made you sick and you ended up in the hospital.  I will certainly miss the fact that you put the silverware in the wrong drawer (but we've never told you because we think it's funny).  Or having to tell people in conversation which Andy I am referring to-my "Andy" or "Andi the nanny".   I have loved being able to share in your life and support you in trying to figure out the rest of your life.  One day, I hope you will understand the magnitude of having someone you love and trust care for your children.  And how it makes working full time a little bit easier knowing they are so well loved and cared for. 

I've tried not to be too sappy.  I remember the days almost 20 years ago when I was in high school and said goodbye to my favorite family I baby sat for.  I can still in my head see sweet little Anna waving with tears streaming down her face as I said goodbye before they moved to Oklahoma.  I can remember pulling away in the car praying I could hold the tears in until she couldn't see me, and then falling apart into a snotty, tearful mess.  But somehow that experience makes it easier for me to be a little more comfortable letting you go-and helps me understand both of our emotions.  I know you will forever be a part of our lives, just as I have been with my sweet family all those years ago-in fact, 20 years later I still check with them on facebook and while I wish I could see them more often, I was forever changed by those amazing kids-they helped me be the mom I am today.  In fact, they were all in my wedding!

I'm pretty certain you and I are forever changed by the year you have been with us.  I am just grateful that  we have technology now-we can face time, send text messages, and be present even when we are 14 hours and 957 miles apart (but who's counting).  We will write letters and expect you to visit often! 

So I'm not saying goodbye-I refuse.  Instead, I'm choosing to say "see you soon!"  Thank you for loving my girls like your own, for giving us so much joy, and for making a difference in our lives-all of our lives.  We will love you always and forever! And yes, just like 20 years ago I will fight back the tears until you pull off and then I will cry my tears as you leave-just like you will. 


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