Thursday, October 24, 2013

Anatomy 101

It's important to have the discussion beforehand about how you will handle questions regarding anatomy. This prevents you from being caught unprepared and having to answer "on the fly"- which of course exponentially increases your chances of saying something stupid.
Case in point....

DC was born when RJ was just 2 years old. So of course there were lots of questions regarding breastfeeding (she still refers to my boobs as "baby food"). However, the questions were not the greatest source of concern. RJ realized that while I was nursing the baby I was basically incapacitated and found that this was an excellent time to get into mischief. One particular afternoon as I was feeding DC she snuck into the bathroom while Hubs was in the shower. He was enjoying a few moments of silence under the water when he opened his eyes to see a wide-eyed 2 year old staring directly at his....well, you know. Eventually she came out and silently sat next to me on the couch while David hurriedly finished his shower. I guess he felt like they needed to have a conversation to discuss the encounter and shortly after he came out in just a towel and sat down next to her.
"Baby, come here. Let's have a little talk," he began.
She blankly stared at him.
"What you have are little lady parts....."
She nodded in agreement.
I was sitting there nervously waiting to see where this was leading.
"And what Daddy has......."
He paused searching for the words
"Are Big Ole Man parts," he proudly finished.

My jaw hit the floor and I was too speechless to even disagree. I just decided to let this go hoping that her 2 year old little brain would just pass over this moment without any retention.

Fast forward a month when I was bathing DC and RJ was "helping me".
"Mommy, can I bathe his legs?" she asked sweetly.
"Of course baby, use the washcloth."
"I wanna bath his BIG OLE MAN PARTS!!!!" She exclaimed excitedly.

At this point I thought we had reached the epitome of failure at the "birds and the bees" talk. I could only imagine what she was saying at preschool. But could be worse! One of my friends failed to come up with a name for her son's big ole man parts and somehow at 3 years old he began referring to it as his "wang". I first heard him say this at church!!! This prompted our conversation regarding referring to our gender specific body parts. We decided to keep "lady parts" but change the male version to "peepee". I thought the subject was settled and there would be no more inappropriate (or just plain weird) situations regarding the issue.

Well, last week we were almost ready for school and I asked hubby to put DC on the potty while I ran upstairs to grab their shoes. I was gone all of 5 minutes- which was apparently just long enough. When I returned all 3 of them were in the bathroom together and both kids were yelling "PENIS!! PENIS!! PENIS!!" at the top of their lungs.
"Hey Babe, I taught them the correct terminology" hubs proudly proclaimed smiling at me.
I just stood there in silence my mouth agape.
"PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!!" they yelled louder.
I just shook my head giving him the "you should've known better" look and put their shoes on. The whole way to school they chorused together "PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!" This was clearly out of my hands- I'll have to thank him later.

When I dropped them off I told the teachers that I would be out of town that day and here was my husband's cell number if they had any issues during the day.


1 comment:

  1. Having all girls, they refer to their parts as lilies...

    My 5-yr old is convinced that boys have the same anatomy, and refers to boy parts as long lilies...

    Although, her father has introduced nuts into her vernacular...