Monday, December 2, 2013

The mom funk....

I admit I've been kind of MIA for a few weeks.  I haven't felt like writing.  I felt like I had nothing funny to say or really nothing meaningful to say.  I've been bogged down with some really stressful and emotionally challenging kids at work.  One of which has challenged me to the core as the student is dealing with the loss of a parent and the remaining parent refuses to acknowledge the child's grief.  The child is completely broken and sad and the parent refuses to allow them any type of help to deal with it.  All of that has hit too close to home for me as I've been forced to examine my own grief in the process.  The baby is in a growth spurt and eating every two hours during the night.  Big Daddy works at night so I've been by myself with both girls, trying to cook dinner so needless to say I've been struggling tremendously with balancing it all.  Trying to be the best mom, wife, daughter, and friend I can be.  All of this has left me coming home ready to fall asleep on the couch at 7:30pm. Just ask Big Daddy-this morning we were emailing trying to set up a lunch date even though we live in the same house. When I asked him why we were emailing, he replied, "because you go to bed at 7:30pm". Ouch.  So as I sat trying to come up with a topic to write about, it hit me.  Ashford and I started this blog because we felt like we were always "hanging by a thread" or stuck in the "in between" moments of life.  We moms struggle with "mom guilt" and trying to please everyone.  It seems like we place pressure on ourselves to do it all and do it all well.  Pinterest tells us how we should make the perfect thanksgiving cookies out of pretzels, or we should have the most immaculate house with perfectly placed table settings.  But at the end of the day, I think we should cut ourselves some slack.  So what if the dishes don't get done and we eat hamburger helper for dinner.  I might pull clean clothes out of the dryer each morning after I've pushed the button to fluff the clothes.  While I do admit I like my girls to look cute in their cute matching/coordinated dresses for church, deep down I know those are tiny specs in the big picture of what really matters.  What matters is that my girls know that they are loved and valued and that their daddy loves me unconditionally-even if I fall asleep at 7:30.  I want them to see that there are no conditions in our love.  I want my girls to know that I'm imperfect, emotional, and some days I'm just not easy to love-and that's okay.  The irony is that it seems our kids know way more than we ever could.  Just last night SK grabbed my face, stroked the hair out of my eyes, and said in a very tender voice, "mommy, you are beautiful and the best mommy ever.  I love you".  With tears in my eyes, I replied, "i love you too." 


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